Pro/Con/Pro: The Definitive UTB Guide to Halloween Costumes

Halloween is upon us, and we all know what that means: aside from seances and zombie Gutmann, COSTUMES! Unfortunately, nobody's gonna remember what you wore in our imminent collective drunken stupor, but that's what Facebook and Instagram are for. We weighed some costume options below so you're not remembered as a total goof. You're welcome. 

Sexy Cat:

• + It's really, really easy.
• – You're all but guaranteed to run into packs of similarly dressed girls, roaming the streets like strays.
• + Cats have nine lives, so you can be 9 times drunker.

Hawaiian shirt:

• + Gives off chill, laid back vibes.
• – Not really a costume so much as an article of clothing.
• + Hawaii is the only U.S. state entirely made up of islands, which is cool.

Anything particularly complex, scary, or intense:

• + People will be impressed by your creativity and dedication.
• – Creativity and dedication won't make anyone want to sleep with you.
• + You'll finally get to use the paper mache skills that you awkwardly brag about to everyone you meet.

Adam & Eve couples costume:

• + All you need are a few fig leaves.
• – According to some sources they're the first couple ever, so it kind of feels like low hanging fruit.
• + Intercourse is basically guaranteed, right?

Zombie (sexy or otherwise):

• + Accurate representation of Penn students.
• – It takes a lot of fake blood and makeup to be convincing.
• + This costume actually gets more realistic as alcohol is consumed.

Muscle suit:

• + You look big as hell, bro!
• – No one really believes you're jacked.
• + Your Superman muscle suit offers some extra padding in case things get physical with the guy in the Batman muscle suit who keeps trying to get with Superwoman.

A woman's right to choose:

• + Progressive, socially conscious costume.
• – We aren't sure how you would dress as this.
• + Encourages intellectual discourse.

Sexy police officer:

• + The cops can't arrest you, because you're legally a police officer.
• – No one wants to smoke with the Five-O.
• + You can wear sunglasses at night without looking like a jerk.

Movie character:

• + A lot of movies have been made, so this one gives you a lot of options.
• – There will be two of any worthwhile character at any event, and you'll always have to explain who you are if you choose to be anyone else.
• + Most movies have more than one character, a lucky break if you're doing a group costume with the crew.

Anything racist:

• + Your redneck cousin Daryl is going to love it.
• – Everyone else is going to absolutely hate it.
• + You'll make everyone else look like they had great costumes, even the guy who puts a sign around his neck that just says "student debt" and smiles smugly all night.

Group costumes:

• + Fun way to bond with your squad, removes the responsibility for your individual costume to be good.
• – If you get separated from your group, the costume may not make any sense. Context is necessary.
• + Usually pretty good for the 'gram.

Sexy Mount Everest

• + Your costume is guaranteed to be the high point of any party.
• – You're going to need stilts for this one- it's a big mountain.
• + It seems pretty unlikely that anyone else will be dressed as Mount Everest.

In the end, the decision is all yours, but we hope we've helped to guide you. If nothing else sticks with you, at least avoid the racist ones. Be sure to enter your costume in the UTB costume contest!