Random Dude At A Party: Thanksgiving Edition

Is there anything worse than the Monday after Thanksgiving? Unfortunately, yes. Take your current level of depression, and multiply it by at least 10 – that's how awful you'll feel coming back from winter break. Happy holidays!

For this week's RDAP, we probed the deepest thoughts and darkest secrets of our little (read: under 8-years-old) cousins at the Thanksgiving table. Maybe their nonsensical chatter will brighten up your Monday morning, which remember – isn't as depressing as the first day of class after winter break. 

UTB: Can you tell us the story of Thanksgiving?

Cousin #1: I don't what the story is!

UTB: Can you make one up?

Cousin #2: Once upon a time, on Thanksgiving...the window fell down...ding dong! It's time to wake up! No, no! Yes! Let's wake up! "No!" said the window man. "Yes!" said the dad. "No!" said the brother. The brother said "yes!" Let's brush teeth. 

UTB: What is the grossest Thanksgiving food?

Cousin #2: Nothing. 

Cousin #1: Sweet potatoes. 

Cousin #2 [who has realized gross Thanksgiving food does, in fact, exist]: My yuckiest is...mashed potatoes! On Thanksgiving, but I like mashed potatoes when it's not Thanksgiving. I don't like them when it is Thanksgiving. 

UTB: If any cartoon character could come to Thanksgiving, who would you want it to be?

Cousin #2: Elmo. I mean, no! Actually...Spongebob.

UTB: What would Spongebob like about Thanksgiving?

Cousin #2: I would take Spongebob Squarepants and I would scrub him on me. And I would say, "Spongebob! I'll throw you on the million – I mean, um, – the six-hundred thing of the Empire State Building!" 

UTB: What are you most thankful for?

Cousin #2: My family. And shots. 

UTB: Shots?

Cousin #2: Shots.