Report: Penn Gets Two Shout-outs In The Onion

CHICAGO – In a long tradition of shoutouts from the finest satirical magazine in the Websites Named After An Allium Vegetable category (with the Garlic in hot pursuit), the Onion published two articles in the last month featuring The Dear Old University of Pennsylvania. 

The first post accurately describes That One Person Who's Way To "Into It," although they missed a few resume points including, but not limited to, purchasing a Penn onesie for future offspring, drunkenly crying to a current Penn Senior during Homecoming in Smokes, and/or scoping out the most vulnerable buildings on campus that could be open to a future name change (We're looking at you, Claudia Cohen). 

The second, "New Study Finds Box Still Most World's Most Popular Container," hits on Penn research, and although we wish we could say that they're off, from a university that has funded everything from the relationship between age and BO to questionable Fitbit studies, we know that nothing's really off-limits.