Club Elections: Do's and Don'ts

Happy club election week (or was that last week?)! Not only are you tired, cold, and angry, but you also have to run for Outreach Director for some club you will quit next spring. Get ready! Since everyone at Penn takes club elections more seriously than brain surgery, here are some tips to get elected to that dumb club position which will definitely impress that Bain recruiter.

Do:

• Wear a three-piece suit, with wig and top hat – the person with the classiest outfit always wins.
• Slut shame your opponent in the first sentence.
• Mumble to make people really listen .
• Get very, very drunk to cure the nerves.
• Message death threats to potential voters in your club.
• Buy a lot of Facebook likes for your candidate page.

Don't:

• Look people in the eyes because it scares them.
• Shower.
• Move around while you speak – there's a reason why the Queen's Guard is so famous.
• Say you how much you care, because emotions are a sign of weakness.
• Make promises for the future, as you're bound to let everyone down anyway.