Most Depressing Places On Campus Volume XI: The Hill Fountain

The moment you walk into Hill you hear a slight pitter patter coming from the building. Upon entering the belly of the beast (otherwise known as the Hill Dining Hall) you realize it’s just the sound of the Hill Fountain – this week’s Most Depressing Place on Campus.

So how can a fountain be one of Penn’s most depressing places you ask?

First of all, it’s practically surrounded by a sea of quiet desperation. There’s an engineering student scarfing down his third slice of bland pizza before a math quiz in DRL that'll most likely suck the life out of him, and a dining hall staff member taking a quick breather before standing in a sweltering kitchen for the next four hours. And while the fountain is there to create a soothing space for them, that slow, soft, and somber drippling of the water just sounds like a unified cry for help.

Also, let’s just note that this isn’t your ordinary fountain with glistening water energetically splashing around creating a fanciful display. No, this is a subpar/sad excuse for a fountain. Its water is practically stagnant, as if the fountain pump has simply given up hope, realizing its energy is better spent on doing literally nothing rather than exerting it in this gloomy scene. And the marble – covered with green and brown scuff marks – just looks like it has suffered multiple backpack punches and kicks from dirty gym shoes.

Sorry Hill, we know this fountain has good intentions. But let’s be honest: it’s really just a kill-joy.