Post-Valentine's Day Trauma: What To Do If Your Roommate Won't Stop Having Sex

Valentine’s weekend is over. So you definitely thought all the rose deliveries, serenades, and hooking up was over. But sadly, for some of us that’s not the case. You’ve tried being understanding, but enough is enough. It’s Monday and this ends now. Here're our tips for what to do if your roommate/hall-mate (the walls aren’t that soundproof, folks) will NOT stop having sex.

1. Sneakily set their phone volume to max and send an absurd amount of texts to destroy ~the mood~.

2. Get a blow horn and practice your best fake moaning noises right outside of their room.

3. Have your RA/GA remind everyone that it’s quiet hours.

4. Offer them a heart shaped pizza ONLY if they stop.

5. Just sit in your bed all day. Note: this requires serious dedication because even if you leave for one second there’s a high chance you will be locked out of the room.

6. Change your contact name on their phone to Grandma so when they miss your call they feel ashamed and ask their friend to leave.

7. Steal a frat dog and distract them with its cuteness.

8. If you have a class together, pretend like you have a midterm tomorrow that everyone in your class has been studying for over the weekend.

9. Slide a ton of condoms under the door so they get the hint.

10. Throw a giant fit. Literally just throw shit around and scream about the dangers of love.

11. Turn on Making a Murderer. They won’t be able to resist.