New Vending Machine Has Everything You Need In The World

Phone at 1% and desperately need to snapchat the extra protein in your food? Penn’s gotchu. New all-purpose vending machines have been installed at Commons and McClelland for your convenience. You can buy phone cables, portable CHRGRs (no vowels so you know that ish is high tech), Advil and Free Range Turkey Jerky. It’s so sweet that the administration knows about our tech and turkey addictions. They even made it freshman-proof by using little severed hands to show them how a vending machine works.