20(20) Things More Likely To Happen At Penn Than You Being Admitted

. . . And the decisions are in! Penn better brace itself for it’s BEST and most SELECTIVE class ever – we’re serious. The acceptance rate for the Class of 2020 was a jaw dropping 9.4%, which is the lowest acceptance rate in Penn’s history. So in honor of the great class of 2020, here are 20 things that are more likely to happen than you getting into Penn. 

1. A manhole cover propels into the air due to an underground electrical explosion and hits you 10.3%
2. Not going to your 9 AM 85.0%
3. Another coffee shop opens on campus 78.2%
4. You end up sitting next to Dean Furda while getting a pedicure 52.8%
5. You pay for a membership at Pottruck, but end up going to only one spin class 87.0%
6. Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer 50.5%
7. It snows in April 54.8%
8. Every frat goes off campus before 2020 63.9%
9. You don’t wait in line for 30 minutes at Honeygrow 23.1%
10. You’ve never heard of Chance the Rapper 16.4%
11. The UA makes a difference 33.3%
12. You pass out drunk on the L and end up taking it all the way to 69th street 27.3%
13. Alum Donald J. Trump becomes President 29.5%
14. You realize you hate chipotle – it’s really hard to shake off the E. coli scare – even though they keep giving away free food 47.2%
15. You win Fling floor passes this late in the game. 12.6%
16. Penn dining ranks 6th in top 50 best college experiences 9.75%
17. A swab of Ben on the Bench tests negative for urine 11.4%
18. An amateur video of a Penn professor is incorrectly subtitled, resulting in a firing 17.0%
19. You see a mouse in VP, your dorm room, and Joe’s Café 73.2%
20. A class of 2020 member will mention the fact that they got into Penn with only a 9.4% acceptance rate on their resume/in interviews/at any family gathering. 99.9%

Let’s give a huge hooray to the Class of 2020! We can’t wait to see your bright, wonderful, and unjaded faces this fall!