Completed Quotes From Benjamin Franklin's Way On 37th Street

We all know the many Benjamin Franklin quotes on 37th Street (apparently called "Benjamin Franklin's Way"), installed in 2009. The collection includes classics like "Haste Makes Waste," and many more. Through careful (and trustworthy) research, however, we at UTB have discovered that the 19 proverbs inscribed in the ground today weren't exactly complete – they were shortened to save space. We've found and listed the full quotations below, with the parts from the stones in italics. Reading these very real statements, it's no surprise that they were abridged.

• Well done is better than well said, because well said is no way to cook a steak. –1737
• Tart Words make no Friends: a spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a Gallon of Vinegar but a gallon of sugar water is cheaper than honey, and similar in effect. Why do you need to catch flies, anyway? –1744
• Genius without Education is like Silver in the Mine – it's worth a lot of money, because you can use it for bracelets and rings and stuff. –1750
• He that teaches himself, hath a fool for his master because he is his own master, and this specific guy I'm talking about is a dumbass. –1741
• He’s a Fool that cannot conceal his Wisdom underneath a gigantic cowboy hat, or maybe a wig. Wisdom sits on top of your head so you really just have to cover it up with something. –1745
• A true Friend is the best Possession, followed closely by slaves, which I own, because it's 1744 and I'm rich and white. –1744
• Haste Makes Waste, a bad thing, because I'm predicting how big of an issue waste management will be in the 2010s. –1753
• Diligence is the Mother of Good-Luck, and she claims that I'm the father. She keeps knocking on my door and demanding child support but I'm not paying a dime, which is a lot in the 1700s. –1736
• There are no Gains, without Pains when it comes to leg day. –1745
• Being ignorant is not so much a Shame, as being unwilling to learn is cool as hell. It's awesome and badass to not want to learn and to be disrespectful in class, and then go outside and smoke cigs with your friends. That's what I spent my youth doing, and look at me now. I'm super successful and I get tons of chicks, even though I'm old. –1755
• An Ounce of Prevention Is Worth a Pound of Cure unless the cure is something cool, like staying in bed for two weeks and only eating ice cream. Tonsillitis is very Good, if you ask me. –1735
• Little Strokes, Fell Great Oaks. It just takes longer to fell those oaks with little strokes than with big strokes. If you have access to big strokes, you should use them. I mean, they'll both work, but the bigger the better. –1750
• When the Well’s dry, we know the Worth of Water: You gotta take the water out of the well so you can weigh it and figure out how much you have. Also, maybe there's gold in the water or something. –1746
• Doors of Wisdom are never shut in order to allow proper ventilation in the building – Wisdom is old as hell, and they built it before fans and exhaust systems existed. If you close the doors it gets really stuffy and smells kind of weird. –1755
• Half the Truth is often a great Lie but none of the truth is the best lie, because it's the exact opposite of the truth. –1758
• He that cannot obey, cannot command and he that cannot teach, teaches gym. –1734
• Distrust and caution are the parents of security. I don't know how they had sex, or which one got pregnant, but security is definitely their child, because it looks just like them. –1733
• Don’t throw stones at your neighbours, if your own windows are glass, until you've gone outside of your house. If you throw the stones from inside your house, you're gonna break your windows, which, after all, are made of glass. –1736
• Lost Time is never found again so please don't waste your time reading quotes or lists. Don't read at all. Reading makes you weak and pale. Get good at swimming instead, or at least learn how to tread water with just your legs for five or ten minutes. You never know when it'll come in handy. –1748