A Freshman Blew Ben on the Bench

Ever worry that Ben on the Bench gets a little lonely from time to time because everyone is too horrified to sit with him? Well have no fear, because this photo clearly shows otherwise-- in a scene no one has ever wanted to imagine! Why has this act of desecration taken place, though? We can only speculate:

• He knows he can't flirt with Rimmer for a better Math 104 grade so he's just going straight to the top
• Practice for pledging
• Failed at sliding into a girl's DMs; this was the back-up booty call
• He wanted to see if B-on-the-B is actually coated in a thin layer of pee
• Pink shirt
• A freshman wanted to show everyone in the Class of 2020 page that he reciprocates
• He's into older guys
• A meteor was about to hit the city of Philadelphia when a man who looked and sounded like Morgan Freeman mysteriously appeared and told this freshman that the only way he could stop the meteor from destroying us all was to suck off Ben on the Bench, so he did and saved the city the end

And while we may never know the truth, we now have one more reason to feel bad for families when they take photos with Ben on the Bench! Stay classy, Penn.