Is Shaquille O'Neal Coming To Hillel?

First the Gender Neutral Bathroom Launch Party, and now this?! Hillel is hosting an event today at 6:00 called “Shake Shaq,” which refers to an Instagram caption by Shake Shack CEO Randy Garutti in a photo with the basketball star. Their play on the words "shake" (as in the ceremonial lulav and etrog) and "shack" (as in a house-type structure like a sukkah) implied that there would be Shake Shack available, so in order to avoid confusion, Hillel clarified (in the event description on Facebook) that Shake Shack would not be served.

But this led many Penn students to wonder: did the omission of a disclaimer about Shaquille O’Neal mean that O’Neal would be in attendance? Our extensive research led us to the conclusion that O’Neal is not Jewish, although a video of him saying “Shabbat Shalom” is available on the internet. While UTB came up short on any particular reasons that O’Neal would be visiting Hillel, the organization has gone above and beyond our expectations before.

If our suspicions are correct, O’Neal would be the most exciting visitor to campus since the People StyleWatch Celebrity Stylist came in 2013. And if we’re wrong, this would be the biggest disappointment since Oz fucked up the chance that Ashton Kutcher’s daughter would attend Penn (we're still pissed).

Our fingers are crossed. If you attend this event or see Shaquille O’Neal on campus, email us at tips@underthebutton.com.