Call To Action Now That American Apparel Is Broke

American Apparel is broke. Because of this they are having a huge sale, which makes their clothes officially affordable. Now the question is, what should you buy? Read on for UTB’s top suggestions.

1. Holiday Gifts

This year all of your friends and family are getting the same thing: 70% off metallic booty shorts. When you give them to your grandma and she is appalled that anyone would wear these, tell her they also function as a fancy, new kind of hand towel.

2. Start your 2017 Halloween costume group chats now

Right now you might be thinking to yourself that you are going to have an original, hilarious, and detailed costume next Halloween. Perhaps a decapitated Marie Antoinette or an actual Young Benjamin Franklin. But, let’s face it, you are going to be a sexy cat, mouse, or schoolgirl. So, rather than wait till October 27th, come to this realization now and buy all the silver leggings, leopard jumpsuits, and deep V body suits while they are actually reasonably priced.

3. Get a pair of metallic leggings and cut them up to make a make-shift condom

We know condom shopping sucks, so try this instead. These leggings feel like rubber anyway, so they should work the same way, right?

4. Buy out American Apparel

It’s the only logical decision. Contact your Management 100 team and befriend a kid who has billionaire parents to make it happen.

5. Nothing

Honestly, American Apparel most likely caused you to go bankrupt multiple times over the years. Also, their founder is a creep and their treatment of employees is questionable. Karma is a bitch AA.