What Happened To November 31st, And Are We Living In The Matrix?

This morning, millions of Americans woke up expecting another normal, crisp November 31st. We got dressed and ready to take on the weird weather and the uncertainty that accompanies a post-Amy-Gutmann-sanctuary-misinterpretation world. Little did we know that we’d be blindsided by the arrival of December a day before we’d anticipated. Talk about pulling a Mark Ruffalo!

When asked a leading question about his feelings of shock and betrayal, anonymous student Sam Holland said, “After I survived daylight savings, I figured I was in the clear. Now, I’m one day behind with finals coming up!”

UTB jumped on the case as soon as we realized the world was already in the midst of December 1st. What could have happened to November 31st? Did aliens visit the Earth causing mass hysteria, leading the government to release a gaseous serum that wiped everyone’s memory from the entire day, just to wake up on December 1st unaware that November 31st had even happened? 

Maybe we incredibly stupid, and there has never been a November 31st. Or maybe President Obama’s weather controlling technology had a glitch and accidentally destroyed the whole world and now we’re living in the matrix, our entire world backed up on Joe Biden's external hard drive along with thousands of hours of NASCAR footage? That one seems more likely.

Whatever happened, we’re pretty confident that we all got cheated out of a full day of our lives. It would be easy to just blame Mark Ruffalo… so yeah, let’s do that. Thanks for nothing, Mark.