Chipotle Closed For Health Violations After Too Many People Reached Over the Sneeze Guard

In the summer of 2014, Obama broke the nation's heart. While ordering what appears to be a bowl at Chipotle, he reached over the so-called sneeze guard and pointed at the pico de gallo with an ungloved hand, dangerously close to the food. This will be remembered as his biggest failure during his presidency.

Now, sneeze guard violations have proved an issue once more. The Chipotle Mexican Grill on Walnut between 39th and 40th, famous for a Malia Obama sighting, is currently closed for health code violations relating to too many customers reaching over the glass to point directly at their desired bean variety, introducing a whole host of contaminants and bacteria into the clean food prep area behind the guard.

Employees, unable to work while the restaurant is closed, seemed frustrated by recent events. Workers wear gloves and take good care of the space, an anonymous Chipotle employee reported.

"The issue isn't that we weren't doing our jobs," the source stated. "The issue is that our customers are aggressive and don't understand norms. We know what lettuce is. We won't mistake it for corn. Don't point at the lettuce when you want lettuce, just say it. We know the difference between vegetables." 

Salsa is a common ingredient customers will point at, because people aren't sure which one is which. The employee had a solution for that, too. "Don't order salsa based on its appearance, order it based on its name. Mild is going to be less hot than hot. If you point and say 'that one', you're choosing the wrong way. Anyway, you should know what pico de gallo is. It's 2017."

The future of the University City Chipotle is unclear, but it's almost certain that they'll be back. Our source assures us that the restaurant is taking action to avoid such a closure in the future, deciding between floor-to-ceiling metal bars and an electric fence to prevent people from putting their grimy, clammy hands near the food.