Amy Gutmann Can Do a Headstand, Apparently

In this recent profile of President Amy Gutmann, we discovered a puzzling fact. Our esteemed president has never shared with the Penn community her single most important talent: standing on her head.

That’s right. The sprightly 67-year-old leader of our university can do a headstand. The profile lists it among her favorite activities, alongside iyengar yoga and bike riding. 

Or so she claims. You might think that Gutmann, who has been able to do a headstand since at least the summer of 2011 and now lists it as one of her favorite activities, would have demonstrated this ability to her loving fans at Penn. Yet we could find no evidence that Amy Gutmann has ever stood on her head, is currently standing on her head, or will stand on her head in the future.

If Amy really loved us, why would she hide from us like this? We're calling on our president to foster good in the Penn community with one simple action. Amy, if you care about us, do a headstand on College Green. You will be a symbol of strength; a model of caring administration; a blond, upside-down beacon of hope during midterm season.