Did Global Warming Kill Club Penguin, Or Was It Obama?

Approximately two months ago, UTB published an article citing the popular social networking/gaming site Club Penguin as proof that global warming does not exist. Then, on January 31st, just eleven days after President Barack Obama left the White House, Club Penguin announced that it is shutting down. The well-loved virtual reality will be replaced by the mobile program, “Club Penguin Island”: a tropical version of the frozen tundra we’re used to.

After this shocking announcement, even those of us who are most confident about the fraud that is global warming were tempted to question our convictions. “Is it possible that an increase in greenhouse gases caused by human activities like burning fossil fuels and deforestation has caused a greenhouse effect where heat is trapped in Earth’s atmosphere, causing a gradual increase in temperature that will lead to melting ice caps, rising sea levels and more extreme weather events?” we asked ourselves. “Definitely not,” we promptly answered.

Determined to find out who was behind Club Penguin’s shift, UTB did some serious investigating. Is it possible, we wondered, that President Obama’s last act in office was to shut down Club Penguin? The timing is pretty damning for Obama - although the eleven day buffer before Club Penguin’s public announcement was a good attempt to hide his blatant abuse of power from the American people. We came to the conclusion that the most likely cause of Club Penguin’s move is in fact an executive order by President Obama. Executive orders take 30 days to go into effect, giving Club Penguin users only a month to prepare for life on the Island once the site is shut down on March 29th. Obama was born in Hawaii (or so he claims), an island. Coincidence? We think not.

Despite this tragic news, UTB wishes to remind Penn students of the silver lining: Club Penguin Island sounds like a real blast, and we once again proved that global warming is fake.