​Donald Trump Misses Drop Period for Presidency; Has to Stick With It Until the End of the Term

Despite previous reports that Donald Trump (W ’68) was considering dropping out of the presidency, we have confirmed that he has officially missed the drop period for this term. 

“Even though the job was pretty competitive to get, I was really just looking to shop around these past few weeks. I mean, I did my research,” Trump told UTB before we were uninvited from all of his press conferences. “On a 1-4 scale it was only supposed to be a 2.43 in terms of difficulty. Who knew this POTUS thing was actually so much work?”

“Later, I saw the score of my first approval rating— it was definitely below the median of past presidents,” Trump mused. “I realized I should probably drop the presidency and pick up something easier, like communications. Sean Spicer is my Communications Director, so how hard can it be?”

Trump was shocked to learn that he was too late to drop the presidency on February 18th, less than a month after he took office. “Folks, when I found out that the drop period was over, I was very upset! For the next four years!” he exclaimed. “I guess I can withdraw from the presidency like Nixon, but that’s way more embarrassing. I don’t want to have to explain why there’s a W on my resume forever.”

“I guess I’ll just stick with it until the end of the term— unless I can figure out a way to get impeached before then,” decided Trump. “In the meantime, I’ll just have Steve Bannon do all my assignments for me. Great guy, by the way. One of the best.”