Shocking: Gutmann Has Never Read a Book, Prefers to Eat Them

When UTB stumbled upon a recent interview with Gutmann entitled "UPenn President Amy Gutmann on What Gives Her Energy and the Many Books That Changed Her Life", we thought that it would serve as great insight into our president's love for literature.

Nope.

When asked directly about which books changed her life, Gutmann completely avoided the question and presented damning evidence of the possibility of her never having read a book. The exchange was as follows.

Thrive Global: Name a book that changed your life.

Gutmann: The public library - the treasure chest of the countless books I devoured as a child - changed my life.

In a swift, Spicer-like fashion, Gutmann managed to not only avoid to answering the question, but to pose a ridiculous alternative. She devours books. The sole conclusion that any reasonable reader can devise from this interview is that not only has Gutmann never read a book, but she also abides by some sort of literary diet.

This opens up new questions. What proportion of her diet is comprised of books? Does she have cheat days where she digs into a copy of Fifty Shades Darker? On special occasions, does she treat herself to a first-edition of One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish? At any rate, her literary diet must be why she looks so good for her age.