UTB Reviews: Freshmen-Sophomore Finance Internship Panel

On Wednesday of this week, the slickest financial minds in West Philly (upperclassman in Wharton) gathered at Huntsman Hall to give internship advice to young aspiring leech—we mean, business students. The upperclassmen told of personal experiences and provided tips on how to acquire unpaid slave positions. Refreshments were provided at $10,000 a plate.

Obviously no one at UTB attended the event (we all already hold very cool executive positions at very prestigious good banks), but we have a pretty good sense of what went on.

First, the panel discussed steps to acquiring internships, which are simple for most students in Wharton:

1. Ask your father, who is either employed by or in charge of a major firm.
2. If step 1 is not possible, ask your other relatives (who hold similar positions).
3. If neither step 1 nor 2 are possible, transfer to the college.

Next, upperclassman told stories about their past internships. One student recapped his summer at Goldman Sachs: “My main tasks were polishing the statue of Alan Greenspan and gathering materials for the weekly symbolic burning of the Glass-Steagall Act. Sometimes they would even let me take a turn ignoring the irresponsibility of the financial sector.”

Another student described the process of acquiring his internship: “lol my dad is a VP at Morgan-Stanley good luck plebs.”

Overall, while we were not present, UTB found the experience worthwhile and recommend our readers attend the next panel, “How to Succeed in Business Without Getting Caught."