Best Alternative (Right) Spring Break Destinations!

Each spring, every blog and website will blast out "8 GREAT ALTERNATIVE SPRING BREAK LOCATIONS, YOU WONT BELIEVE NUMBER 6"! With this in mind, we realized that there were so many lists of alternative spring break ideas, but somehow very few lists of alternative-right spring break ideas. Here are the top 7 spring break locations for the new right!

1. “Real America” - Take a trip to an America that exists only in the mind of the alt-right, free of ethnic and religious minorities and in full support of other non-existant conditions, like “what makes America great” (white men working hard to get somewhere in life, ultimately ignoring social and economic realities).

2. 4Chan - Take a trip on the World Wide Web! Peruse /pol/ and promote nazi...no wait ...white nationalist....no wait...alternative-right ideals!

3. Self Defense Seminar - Fear for your safety because those pesky anti-fascists keep going around, punching innocent fascists? Use your spring break to brush up on your self-defense skills and defend your ideology from the “tolerant left”!

4. Steve Bannon’s Apocalypse Bunker - Now open to the public, this impenetrable underground fortress boasts an impressive storage of supplies for the collapse of western society. There are rooms upon rooms of MREs and 30 copies of Triumph of the Will and The Birth of a Nation, respectively. (Ed. Note the aforementioned film The Birth of a Nation does not refer to the 2016 film, but rather D.W. Griffith’s 1915 epic about how great the KKK is)

5. Israel - The alt right loves the Jewish state, but hates the Jews. Don’t worry about the contradiction, enjoy the hummus!

6. Argentina - Argentina is home to a population of old white men who, inexplicably, share the opinions and beliefs of the alt right. They won’t tell you where they’re from, but here’s a hint: speaking German might help you connect with them. Plus, Argentinian food is great!

7. Mel Gibson Film Screening - Sure, he’s no Richard Spencer, but Mel Gibson has been working industriously to support our cause from within the mainstream liberal media--a truly noble and miraculous feat. This movie marathon will include all the highlights of Gibson’s film career, including but not limited to: The Patriot, in which he fights for our young nation (BEFORE the minorities started demanding rights); What Women Want, in which he confirms that females truly are the inferior sex by infiltrating their brains; and The Beaver, in which he spends 91 minutes with a beaver puppet on his hand. #MakeAmericaGibsonAgain