Absolute Boss of a Freshman Shows Off Full Arm of Fling Wristbands in Class

No one man should have all that power.

Wharton freshman Chris Johns burst into his utterly empty marketing recitation on Monday afternoon, eager to display the spoils of war. His arm was adorned with fling wristband upon fling wristband, proving to everyone in the room what an absolute badass he is. One of his three classmates was flabbergasted at the sight of such magnificence and prestige.

"When I woke up this morning, I was thinking to myself, 'I wonder if Chris Johns parties like an absolute madman,'" his classmate told UTB. "When he burst through the doors, accompanied by a blinding light and the roar of a thousand bugles, I knew what a frat conqueror he is."

It's true, his glory was for all to behold. While on one arm lay the proof of his various drunken campaigns, the other arm held the proof of his resolve. A HUP bracelet served as evidence of his being MERTed before escaping the chains of his captors, newly hydrated and ready to continue.

Sources tell UTB that since he was able to show what an incredible leader of men he truly is, Chris has received bids from every single fraternity, landed 30 internships, and has rekindled his relationship with his estranged father. 

Truly an inspiring and admirable figure.