Confused Junior Thought Hey Day Was Hay Day

Hey Day: one of the Penn darty days that carries a different meaning based on which class you’re in. For wide-eyed pre-frosh during their admissions tour, it’s a day we worship almost as hard as the toast we regularly throw at football games. For freshmen, it’s when you wake up terrified to the person who regularly had sex in your bed two years ago. And for juniors, you get really drunk to make running into the entirety of your freshman hall just a little less awkward.

UTB has been asking juniors around campus what they’re most looking forward to for Hey Day. While most took this opportunity to first tell us about their summer plans, even though we didn’t ask, they ultimately said they couldn’t wait to spend the morning drinking, cheering and eating Styrofoam.

One equestrian-minded junior, however, apparently didn’t get the memo. Sarah Carlson, C '18, was found on Locust wearing riding boots, stretchy khaki pants and a braid in her hair.

UTB: Sarah, you must be excited for Hey Day! Everyone’s social media feeds are going to be flooded with drunk people wearing the same red t-shirt. What specifically are you most excited for?

Sarah: Honestly, I’m eager to be united with my class once again and take bites of the grass of the worthy, nature’s ottoman. 

UTB: Wow, we haven’t gotten such enthusiastic responses about taking bites out of your classmates’ hats. What about Styrofoam is so thrilling to you?

Sarah: Um... How is Styrofoam relevant? I’m eager to saddle up, trot and canter around High Rise Field, and take bites out of bushels of hay. I wonder how stable those canes are going to be... It won’t compare to my barn at home, but beggars can be choosy.

UTB: Uh, Sarah... You do know it’s Hey with an “e”, not “a”, right?

Sarah’s face turned bright red, as she made a strange neigh-like sound and galloped away towards Penn Vet.