Mix Up: Freshman Volunteered To Host Baby Quaker But Ended Up With Three Live Tigers

After reading the tenth email from admissions pleading for students to volunteer as hosts for Quaker Days, freshman Abby Kipling signed up. She acknowledged that her admitted student could potentially be weird, smelly, or likely both, but did not expect to receive and be obliged to care for three live tigers.

“It was like learning you’re pregnant with triplets, but the triplets are already born and also large feral cats,” said Kipling. “I'm not experienced with tigers. Lions? Maybe. Bears? Sure. But not tigers."

While caring for tigers may seem like a piece of cake, Kipling faced significant difficulties throughout Quaker Days. The tigers did not care for the dining hall food and seemed disinterested in socializing with accepted students, preferring instead to eat them. Luckily, the eaten Baby Quakers were leaning towards Princeton, anyway.

Admissions blames Kipling for the ordeal, claiming that she selected “Tiger” instead of “Accepted Human Student” while signing up. “It was our job to consider the preferences of the hosts,“ said an admissions spokesperson. “That is what we did. She asked for a tiger? We gave her three."

"Yeah, I might have done that," admits Kipling, regarding the sign-up form. 

Despite the confusion, the tigers plan to enroll at Wharton next semester, concentrating in finance. They will most likely look silly in suits.