BREAKING: College Senior Finally Takes AP Scores Off Resume

It has been a very sombre day in the life of rising College senior Jessica Ingram.

In a heartbreaking move that left both herself and her family devastated, Ingram wistfully removed a thorough list of her AP scores from the section on her resume aptly named “Notable Accomplishments and Awards”.

Sources tell UTB that these scores showed evidence of Ingram’s remarkable genius and intellect, as she received a 5 on AP Calculus AB and BC, as well as AP Physics 1 and AP Chemistry. Ingram’s brilliance also extended to non-quantitative subjects, where she received a 4 on the AP English Language exam.

“I was just becoming too skilled in too many things, and I realized I needed to cut some of it out,” said Ingram. According to her resume, Ingram is not only skilled in Microsoft Word and Microsoft Excel, but also (recently) in Microsoft Powerpoint! Clearly, this computer whiz-kid had an enormous surplus of abilities to put on her resume.

Reports indicate that Ingram will be replacing this part of her resume with something that she believes to be infinitely more impressive - a list of all the courses she’s taken. “How are recruiters supposed to know that I’m a phenomenal writer if they don’t know that I took writing sem?!” she remarked.

Afraid of being left behind in the job application process, Ingram says that she’s still going to make sure that she brings up these AP scores whenever she can within job interviews.“There are so many brilliant candidates out there,” said Ingram. “Some of them did cool science fairs in high school, others were even on student council! I just want to make sure I stand out in this remarkable application pool.”

Hopefully Ingram will use her impressive resume to get the job of her dreams. If not, at least she still has her AP scores.