Freshman at Frat Party Forgets to Take Picture With Her Girls

Last Friday night, Huntsman Program in International Studies and Business freshman Jodie Levy seemed to be having the time of her life. Enraptured by the carefully curated mix of Top 40 hits playing at Kappa Pi Sigma's "Beach Don't Kill My Vibe" party, Levy danced all night with her fourteen best friends-- "my girls," she gushed-- that she had met the night before, describing the party as "just, like, really dope vibes."

Indeed, the vibes were dope. That is, until tragedy struck.

Levy, who hopes to eventually work with the United Nations' Disarmament and International Security Committee, was so caught up in lip-syncing along with "Wild Thoughts" with her girls that she didn't take a single picture with them all night.

"I just feel like such a massive idiot," the former high school valedictorian sighed. "I took one selfie for my Snap Story and didn't even save it. How big of a dumbass can I be?"

Ana Valdez, a freshman pursuing a double major in criminology and economics (and, more notably, one of Levy's girls), was disappointed to find out that at no point in the night had Levy taken even one group photo: "Honestly? It's been a really tough weekend for all involved. Everybody knows that interpersonal relationships are only legitimized by a vibrant online presence. Now everyone's probably gonna forget she even exists." None of Levy's other girls could be reached for comment.

"If this party isn't documented on at least three separate forms of social media, did I even really go?" wailed Levy, who speaks four languages at professional-level proficiency. "It's like I fell off the face of the earth. My entire life might as well be over." 

Levy was later found prepping for an econ midterm in Van Pelt, looking dejected. Things couldn't possibly be all bad for this bright young woman, though, could they?

"Yeah, I guess I had a good time," she grudgingly admitted. "But what do my feelings matter without a constant, undying stream of online validation from my most peripheral acquaintances?"