Senior Upgrades From Ugly Backpack to Ugly Messenger Bag

Senior year is a time for growth and maturation; seniors are on the cusp of true adulthood. 

With this in mind, senior Sean Proviso (C '18) decided it was time to ditch his old, unsightly backpack for a new, equally-repulsive messenger bag. He's very happy with his decision.

"Backpacks are for kids, let's be honest," he told us, his ego clearly inflated by the change. "My old backpack was ugly and poorly designed, but more importantly it was juvenile and made me look like a child. It was about time I graduated to something a bit more... mature."

Proviso's brand new messenger bag is just as vile as his backpack, if not more. It's a strange shade of greenish-gray, and made of either waxed canvas or some sort of leather, although you'd think it was made of sperm whale skin based on its sickly sheen when the light hits it. There are also a bunch of clasps on it, for some reason.

Luggage scientists at the University of Pennsylvania told UTB that despite common belief, messenger bags aren't all that great.

"Messenger bags weigh down one side of your body and not the other, throwing off your gait. They also hold less than backpacks, generally speaking, and can be easier to knock into things or doorways, depending on their size," Dr. Mindy Ramin explained. "There is little conclusive evidence that they're any less nerdy looking than a backpack."

But when we tried to tell Proviso what Dr. Ramin said, he didn't want to hear it. "I have places to be, things to do. I don't have time for this. Didn't you see my messenger bag? I'm a busy man."