Crime Log: September 27 - October 3
Artwork by MJ Kang
October 3, 2017 at 12:57 am
Robbery
Sep 27: The CVS on 40th was robbed by an unarmed man who also happened to have no arms. “I thought he was just hiding his arms,” said the CVS cashier who handed him (no pun intended) $3.27 in cash. “I didn’t know they were actually gone or I would’ve told him to leave.” Police are currently on the lookout for a man with no arms.
Impersonation
Sep 29: A woman was arrested for impersonating Amy Gutmann. However, she was released when it was revealed Gutmann had been a hologram all along.
Battery
Sep 30: Lithium-Ion.
Murder
October 2: Freshman was heard saying “That math midterm killed me.” After further investigation, Penn Police arrested math midterm, who was responsible for a series of similar murders in the past week.