Plot Twist: Girl Throwing Up on 40th and Spruce is Actually Fine

Last night, Engineering sophomore Sydney Essex was seen vomiting violently on the corner of 40th and Spruce streets. The silver lining? “She’s totally OK,” explained Engineering sophomore Rishika Sharma, who had previously been helping Essex throw up into a planter outside of Copabanana. Sharma told the crowd of bystanders that this was “honestly no big deal,” as Essex continued to projectile vomit. “One too many double margaritas, you know?”

After another 15 minutes, Essex closed her eyes and laid down on the sidewalk. “She’s just really tired,” Sharma assured the growing crowd. “She had a 9 a.m. today; you would want to lie down too.”

When a passerby suggested calling MERT, Sharma lashed out. “Are you seriously going to waste their time when there are actual people in danger they could help?” Sharma snapped as Essex began frothing at the mouth. “Now if you’ll excuse me,” Sharma said as her friend began vomiting in the nearest trashcan.

Essex was unable to comment, but signaled that everything was alright with a thumbs up.