Holy Shit! Erin and Melissa Became Facebook Friends Exactly One Year Ago

It's official. The day is finally here. On this day, October 9th, 2017, sophomores Erin McCarthy and Melissa Ryan have been Facebook Friends for exactly one calendar year. And thank God they shared the news with the world, or else millions of people may never have realized the gravity of the day.

"I've been waiting all year for this. Like, I really thought they had become Facebook friends on October 10th; what a surprise, am I right?" said Thomas Caldwell, Ryan's 7th grade classmate. "Seriously, I care about this so much. I am in a much better place knowing they liked each other's photos 237 times."

"What kind of gift should I send them for their first anniversary?" asked Janet Paul, a Wharton freshman who has been in Writing Sem with McCarthy for five weeks. "How about a tasteful set of china? Is that too impersonal?"

News of Ryan and McCarthy's major milestone even reached the White House. 

"Wow! This big, big day just got even huger," declared President Trump when he heard the news. "I mean, first we're celebrating our discoverer Christopher Columbus, who set foot on Washington D.C. in 1776 and was a really great guy, I mean, really. Great guy. And now we can celebrate Erin and Melissa's friendaversary, too! Happy holidays— you know what, that's too politically correct, so, let's say Merry Christmas? Merry Christmas, how about that, folks?"

We asked Ryan how she and McCarthy became Facebook friends in the first place. "You know, I don't really remember who actually friend requested whom," she explained, already exhausted from the media attention. "We were just so good of friends by this point last year that it probably just happened."

When we later spoke to McCarthy, her memory was a bit clearer. "Oh, yeah, Melissa and I went out one Saturday night and I ended up having to take care of her after she puked in my Uber. I'm pretty sure she friend requested me the next day."