Junior Finally Shuts Down Fake Nonprofit She Used to Get Into Penn

It’s been quite a sombre day for Juliet Smith (C ’19). Sources report that the once-ambitious student has been forced to officially shut down and cease all operations for the nonprofit that she started while in high school.

According to the now-defunct website, Smith’s nonprofit, Causes4Kids4Relief4Lyfe, “helps ameliorate poor conditions amongst impoverished people and cats and trees in areas of need”. This incredibly specific and detailed mission statement was included in a creative collage with pictures of Smith teaching students to read and code, volunteering at a soup kitchen, and giving her leftover pizza to a homeless person.

Despite having registered this organization as a legitimate nonprofit in 16 different states and having referenced it in her Common App essay, all of her job interviews, and half of her resume, Smith has finally felt the need to shut it down.

“It was a tough decision, but in the end I realized that I just couldn’t commit anymore. All of the kids and adults and trees that I definitely helped are becoming dependent on my kindness and generosity. I just care about doing what’s best for them. You know, teach a man to fish or whatever.”

To continue pursuing her passion for social impact and humanitarianism, Smith will be spending this summer working at Credit Suisse, where she claims she will be able to use her valuable nonprofit experience to create “impactful” Excel spreadsheets and “altruistic” financial models.

While the legal legitimacy of Smith’s now-extinct nonprofit remains up for debate, one thing is for sure: the lives of the tens (maybe dozens) of people that she helped have been changed forever.