OP-ED: Take a Lap, Come Back in Fifteen

Hey pal. I know you’re trying to get into this party, scooter. Listen, we can’t really have a line outside the house, buddy. Cops are right over there and for this reason, among others, I’m going to have to hold off on my final decision to let you into this party. Go take a lap, champ.

I’ll tell you what, ace. You want an answer on whether you may or may not enter the premises of this party? How about you return to your current location after a brief 15 minute lap, kiddo? I best be seeing you back here in 15, mi amigo. After that quarter-hour has elapsed, and you have taken that lap, I will be in a better position to assess your request. Thanks for cooperating, captain.

It’s not that I can’t let you into this party, chief. It’s just that, for the next 14 minutes and 59 seconds, while you are taking that big ol’ lap, my mind will be occupied with the decision of whether or not I can let you in. Once the clock hits 15 and your lap is done, I’ll get you a final answer. It’s the least you deserve, chappie.

The choice is yours, brother. Take the lap or — oh, you know Josh? Come on in.