New Penn Study Finds Midterm Season Lasts From Early October Until Your Professor God Damn Feels Like It's Over

The leaves are changing colors, and a cool breeze has blown in another round of exams at Penn; yes, it’s midterm season. Although many have already taken multiple midterms, most students still have many more lined up on the horizon, with some students wondering if the end is in sight. A new study from the Penn Graduate School of Education, found that the end of this stressful time might be later than some students planned. 

On October 19^th, PGSE published a study that found Penn’s average midterm season now lasts from early October until your professor god damn feels like Its over.

This crucial finding is a big shift from previous years. In 2000, the average midterm season lasted for a month at most, but the testing period has become exponentially longer every following year. Now the exam period lasts on average until your professor feels like students are truly crippled by their workload. According to the study, most teachers felt that, “you guys can handle it! You got into Penn right?”

According to Pranav Khamavant, head researcher on the study, the uptick in the average length of midterm season can be primarily attributed to psychotic tendencies from professors. “We don’t yet know what causes professors to enjoy seeing pain in students' sleep deprived eyes, but it is a tendency we are seeing more and more of in Penn professors.”

Tenured professor, John Gallagher of the Economics department told UTB he has not yet decided when midterms will end.  “I just want to see how far I can push ‘em” he said in an exclusive interview.  “Some administrators told me midterms have to be over by finals season, but I think it would be interesting to just keep the exams going straight through winter break; just see what happens. They can’t fire me!”

With no sign of the end of exams in sight, all we can hope for is a sweet curve.