5 Fun On-Campus Activities to Help You Forget the Uncertainty and Despair Enveloping You

Ah, fall. While the chillier temperatures and the sight of leaves changing color are certainly welcome, autumn is a bittersweet time for many Quakers. Many might find themselves feeling burnt out after an endless barrage of midterms. Many are dogged by the ruthless, all-consuming job search. Most have found themselves weeping gentle, resigned tears in a Van Pelt bathroom or two. And all have most likely asked themselves, pondering the ever-changing seasons and their helpless entrapment in the cyclical, incessant whirlpool of time: what am I doing here?

Here at Under the Button, we say "idk." But you're pretty deep in now, pal, and there's no time for you to start "soul-searching" or "looking for meaning." So we've compiled a list of five fun things to do to forget about the undeniable truth that no matter how hard you work or what internships you acquire, we are all simply victims of circumstance, hurtling deeper and deeper into the void.

1. Take a stroll down the entire length of Locust Walk. Look straight ahead and not at Huntsman Hall on the left. Isn't it beautiful? Life is beautiful. It's almost as if you didn't fail MGMT 001 last year. You're not ashamed, you whisper to yourself. You're not ashamed.

2. Show some Philly pride and get a cheesesteak! People come from all over the world to get an authentic bite of this famous Philadelphia treat. Just like how people have come from all over the world to attend this university. They've overcome obstacles you could never even dream of. What have you done, you dumb stupid idiot? What are you going to do with yourself?

3. Attend a football game with your friends! It's always nice to show some support for the Red and the Blue. Funny how you can refer to a school with colors, isn't it? Try not to think about how you should have been a Crimson. You worked hard to be valedictorian, but of course fucking Sarah Palmer with the 3.2 GPA was a quadruple legacy at Harvard. Meritocracy is the dirtiest lie, you shouldn't think to yourself while silently seething. Go Quakers!

4. Explore Penn's thriving performing arts scene. Go check out an a capella concert or a comedy show! What is it your father told you? The arts will get you nowhere, son. Right. REPRESS IT. REPRESS IT LIKE YOU REPRESS EVERYTHING ELSE HE TELLS YOU, LIKE HOW YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN A DISAPPOINTMENT TO HIM. WHOOPS! GUESS YOU DIDN'T REPRESS THAT ONE. FORGET IT. ENJOY THE COMEDY SHOW'S SWEET ONE-LINERS. HA, HA. HOW SWEET IT IS TO LAUGH.

5. Take a picture in front of the iconic Love Statue! It's almost like you're a freshman again. Remember those times? You were so youthful, you shouldn't think to yourself as you upload the classic photo to Instagram. Hopeful. Do you remember the spark in your eyes? Where has it gone? What extinguished the flame?