Fraternity Brother Brings Cousin to Date Night

Date night season is upon us. College sophomore and brother of fraternity Chi Delt (XD) Dylan Hoffman is one of many students to feel the pressure of finding the perfect person to bring. “I asked this girl in my Social Psychology recitation, but she said she was busy that night,” said Hoffman. “Weird thing is I never even told her which night it was.”

Luckily, Hoffman had a back up plan. “I figured I’ll just do what I did for my senior prom--bring my cousin. I can’t have our rushes thinking I’m lame,” explained Hoffman. “Lots of people have told me my cousin is hot. Not that I would agree or anything. That would be weird, you know? Since we’re related.”

When the night of the event rolled around, Hoffman remembered feeling nervous. “The last time I saw my cousin was on our family trip to Martha’s Vineyard last summer. That’s kind of a different setting. There are no Vineyard Vines in District N9ne.” Turns out, the venue was the least of his worries. “I open the door expecting to find my hot — I mean familial — cousin Sarah, but instead it was my 12-year-old cousin Vincent. I guess my aunt didn’t really understand what I meant by ‘brotherhood event.’”

There was a silver lining to all of this, according to Hoffman. “At least I didn’t have to worry about anyone trying to hook up with my date.”