OP-ED: It’s Not Cold Enough for Peppermint Mochas

Everyone understands that the Starbucks’ Peppermint Mocha is the drink that reminds us that the holidays are near. 

There’s no better feeling than curling up under a fuzzy blanket with a book in one hand and a peppermint mocha in the other, wistfully watching the snowflakes prance outside in the blistering cold while enjoying the inviting company of your dog and a capella covers of Christmas classics. The sweet peppermint and espresso aromas fuse with the crisp December air to produce a sensation like no other -- a feeling of warmth, of love, of family. 

It evokes memories of holiday traditions from back home: the cheerful family dinners, the exchanging of gifts, and even Uncle Dave’s spooky ghost stories under a pillow fort. 

It’s a time of reflection and introspection near the dawn of the new year. We may be reminded that no matter what troubles we face, solace is near. With this drink in hand everything seems to be okay, if only for a brief moment. The peppermint mocha encapsulates an extraordinary amount of emotion and sentiment that is almost indescribable with mere words.

That’s why it pisses me the fuck off when I see washed-up, wannabe hipsters with your knitted wool caps and your “vintage” jackets and your contrarian thoughts drinking a peppermint mocha when it’s 78 motherfucking degrees. 

You have no idea what kind of statement you’re making or how stupid you look. You might think it’s cool to have a peppermint mocha when the weather outside is warmer than your drink, but it is an affront to winter and a direct attack on the holidays.

Of course, Starbucks is partially responsible for this mess. Their poorly constructed, cash grabbing ruse has no consideration for holiday spirit. Corporate greed dictates their every action, and they’ve predicted (correctly) that putting your overpriced drink in a cute little festive red cup will send the sheep flocking. Starbucks needs to consider its moral obligations and stop selling an obviously winter drink to customers sweating from the heat in flip flops.

We need to stand up to this nonsense. It’s time to shame and ridicule people drinking peppermint mochas in an air conditioned room. As Gandhi said, “The future depends on what you do today.” And today, the world needs us.

It is not okay to drink peppermint mochas in summer weather.

Have some goddam respect.