BREAKING: Penn Dining Introduces Flavored Food

As numerous students are working out their meal plans for the upcoming semester by exchanging swipes and using up all their dining dollars, Penn Dining is making a groundbreaking move to change the dining landscape permanently.

In a surprise announcement that left the entire Penn community stunned, a spokesperson from Penn Dining has uncovered the organization’s latest groundbreaking move: flavored food.

This new food will reportedly contain hints of revolutionary seasoning like salt and pepper, and may even be slightly edible. Reports also indicate that some of the food might potentially be cooked without being burnt.

“The way we plan to capitalize on modern, innovative food technology is by adding hints of things like herbs, spices, and condiments to our foods,” said Betsy Jackson, Head of Penn Dining. “Molecular gastronomists have empirically proven that food is more appetizing when these things are added. This will definitely put Penn Dining ahead of the curve.”

Unfortunately, not everyone is pleased by this new report. “I don’t understand what the problem here is,” complained Jeff Schmidt, a senior who is still on a dining plan and can regularly be seen frequenting 1920s Commons. “What’s so bad about dry chicken breasts and raw hot dogs? Isn’t that what everyone eats…?”

We wish the best for all students on the dining plan as the become accustomed to this game-changing technology. If nothing else, hopefully Commons will still maintain its stellar health rating.