Sweet! Professor Gives Class Halloween Candy, But Will Also Give Majority a Final Grade of "B-" or Below

Pre-med freshman John McArthur (C ’21) was feeling jaded, to say the least. He was just railed by his sixth round of midterms last week, he spent his bank account down to $6.73 over the Halloweekend at a slew of downtowns, and his parents recently refused to continue funding his recent Juul addiction, which he’s actually in denial about. Yikes!

McArthur dragged himself to his CHEM 101 class Tuesday morning, his eye circles a bit too dark and hygiene not totally up to par, when he saw the jack-o-lantern bucket in the front of the room, overflowing with candy. Neat-o! What’s better than expecting a dreadfully boring chemistry lecture, only to be treated with a dreadfully boring chemistry lecture with a fun-sized pack of M&Ms by your side?

This was awesome. His high school teachers never gave students candy, only snide comments about his definitely offensive Halloween costumes year after year. And the generous gift wasn’t even limited to one piece per person! It was like Christmas in October, except it was a different holiday, and Christmas would start being overhyped later that week anyway. His professor was so cool!

McArthur and his classmates enjoyed the morning feasting on Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and mini Twix bars, unknowingly inching themselves closer to the infamous Freshman 15. They learned about stoichiometry as an angelic glow surrounded their professor. She truly was a saint.

McArthur and the other CHEM 101 students’ perception of their professor rapidly changed after their fourth midterm the next week. She reminded them that the class was curved to a B-. McArthur would go on to receive a final grade of a C- in the class. Candy is temporary. GPA is forever. But those fun-sized candy bars were so damn cute and delicious!