Bold: Freshman Permanently Cut Off Friends, Family in Preparation for Single Final

In a move some described as “excessive,” College freshman and Political Science major Justin West permanently severed all contact with his friends and family in order to prepare for his first and only final of the year. After the final took place on Friday, West seemed to be happy with his decision.

“I definitely pulled average on that exam,” he bragged. “And all it took was me distancing myself from everyone who cares about me forever.”

Former friends of West said that he messaged them about a week before the exam to notify them of the decision. “He said he had to prioritize school, which I get,” one friend said. “But when I asked him to get Frontera with me, all he said was 'maybe next year.' I hope he knows his final is only two hours long.”

West's family got the same treatment. “I don’t know where he’s staying over break,” his mother said. “But he changed his phone number and hasn't tagged me in a single meme for two weeks. I guess the exam was pretty important. I have some leftovers for him if he wants to reconnect, though."

Ultimately, West scored at 40th percentile on his final, enough to secure a B- in the class. “It was still worth it,” he said. “Now I just have to replace a life’s worth of relationships. Easy!”