Gluten-Free Students Outraged Over New Bread-ing Days

With finals season now in full gear and Philly’s population of pettable dogs in radically short supply (probably), the University is being forced to get creative with events that will assuage students’ stress in this trying time. Reading Days, the two day period where Penn students are finally allowed to read the books posted on their course syllabi after a semester-long blackout period, have historically been a time when students are forced to make hard choices with their time commitments. But this semester, University administration is looking to shake things up and smooth out the transition from Reading Days into finals period by giving students the chance to catch a breather.

Enter Breading Days, the perfect time for people to channel their anxiety and stress into making and eating delicious, glutenous baked goods. For the two days after Reading Days, stressed Quakers can exert their rage over a brutal finals schedule that barely gives students enough time to catch their breath in the academic sprint that follows Thanksgiving Break by pounding sticky blobs of flour, yeast and water into a dough chock full of everyone’s favorite protein, then eating it. Penn is even splurging by giving every student who participates their own proving drawer!

Unfortunately, a certain subset of students is railing against this new program. Whether these students actually suffer from Celiacs Disease or are just following some trendy new diet has yet to be seen, but anti-gluten protesters have already started lining up outside of College Hall. They claim that the University is ignoring the gluten-free community to pander to a wheat-addicted majority. These anti-gluten crusaders are circulating a petition for a more inclusive Breading Days alternative, but their proposed “Ricing Days” just doesn't sound anywhere near as tasty or creative.