BREAKING: Amy Gutmann Sends Email Taking Obvious Stance on Social Issue

On Wednesday, President Gutmann sent out a campus-wide email denouncing the practice of being mean to small animals. “Here at the University of Pennsylvania, we have a strong commitment to being nice to puppies and kittens,” she wrote. “We are unashamed of our morals and are willing to stand by them at all costs."

Other emails taking similarly strong positions tackled issues such as drugs, which Gutmann described as “bad”, and poverty, which, she stated, “isn’t cool.”

UTB received the opportunity to conduct a brief interview with President Gutmann. A reporter asked her about the actions she expects to take to combat the social issues she has repeatedly denounced. “Penn is one of the finest institutions in the world,” she stated. “We are committed to innovation and creating the world’s top intellectuals and professionals. That’s why 26 Penn graduates made the Forbes 30 Under 30 list this year. We’re incredible. We innovate. Intellect. Wharton. CEO’s. Innovation.”

When asked about her opinion on President Donald Trump’s policies and other, more controversial topics, Gutmann reportedly “suddenly had to leave to feed [her] extensive collection of pet worms.”

Gutmann received widespread praise throughout the Penn community for her email on Wednesday. “President Gutmann is just so brave,” said one student. “I’m tearing up at the thought of just how courageous she must be to send out emails like these. She’s my role model. I’m proud to go to a school that I know truly cares about social issues, no matter how non-controversial they may be.”

Faculty and alumni echoed this sentiment. In fact, The Penn Fund reported major spikes in donations received after campus-wide emails were sent. It is uncertain whether this is correlated with the increasing frequency of such emails, but more are sure to follow.