Wow! This Fine Arts Class Just Lets Students Huff Paint for Three Hours

Many people looking to channel their creative energies at a University whose culture embodies a soul-crushingly pre-professional track choose to do so by taking part in Fine Arts classes. With coursework in a broad array of subjects from sculpture to smoking cigarettes for credit, most Penn kids are sure to find their muse. 

Sadly, for some students, the School of Design isn’t doing enough to provide an environment primed for innovation. For those ingenious savants, nothing embodies the experience of expressing oneself artistically quite like tweaking on mind altering substances. That is, until today. 

“We know that our students are already probably sneaking out a couple extra canisters of paint for 'side projects,' so we figured that we might as well cut out the middleman and provide a safe and productive space for people to get high and make art,” a PennDesign spokesperson told UTB, with a wry smile that revealed a tooth stained with a fleck of acrylic paint.

While the class was instantly filled during course selection period, turnover has been exceptionally high, with students taking a “hit it and quit it” approach to attendance. In general, response to the course has been positive. “I’ve heard all the risks of irreparable brain damage, but since I’m not getting high off my own supply, I think I’ll be okay,” said Lyle Jones (C ‘18), a glassy-eyed senior who’d previously been caught sneaking nitrous oxide from Penn Dental.