4 Ways to Awkwardly Avoid Eye Contact with People You Made out with at Ken's Seafood BYO

It’s a Saturday night, and you’re at a Ken’s Seafood BYO with some club you’ve only been to twice (but you’re still somehow on the exec board). You scream-sing “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson with some random dude you just met, and before you know it, you’re making out. Oh, that girl who’s the president? You made out with her 30 seconds ago, too.

Sure, they’ve introduced themselves to you, like, 12 times tonight, but you’re way too fucked up to remember their names, and the morning-after walk on Locust doesn’t help jog your memory. So what do you do when you see Chad—or was it Bradley?—on your way to class the next morning? UTB has the perfect advice for you.

1. Aggressively look down at your feet. No, I mean really aggressively look down at your feet. Look angry, like you’re about to throw your phone on the floor or something because you’re so furious. Fuck it, throw your phone on the floor. That’ll really send a strong message for nobody to fuck with you.
2. Carry around a backpack full of chili. What’s that smell? Day-old chili? Yup. Trust me, any self-respecting person would NOT want to be seen talking to you if you walked around Locust reeking of chili.
3. Wear a MAGA hat. Neither The Daily Pennsylvanian nor Under the Button have any official political affiliation, but, like, dude, if you wear a Make America Great Again hat, chances are nobody will talk to you. Approximately 82.19% of Philadelphians, to be exact. But that’s the point, right?
4. AirDrop him a picture of his mom. He’ll look around and say to himself, “Hey, who’s sending me pictures of his mom?” And that’s your chance to escape. Leave the scene as fast as you can before he sees you.