Four Meditation Exercises that Won't Really Reduce Your Back to School Stress

Is all the back-to-school hullaballoo making you stressed?  Here are four meditation exercises that won't actually reduce your stress, but might make you sound cool.

1. Crystal meditation: This form of meditation requires you to procure crystals, so you'll automatically have some fun new decorations that will make your home appear "zen."  Crystals will pair nicely with your Urban Outfitters tapestry.

2. Rhythmic breathing: Be sure to do this one in public. Vary your breathing rate and intensity as much as possible in order to draw the most attention to yourself.

3. Chanting: This can be done in Sanskrit, Pali, English or your own made up language composed of unique noises. Also do this one in public.

4. Kundalini meditation: This is just a fancy name for "dance meditation."  You can do it in your home or at a frat party.

These exercises almost certainly won't do anything to mitigate the oppressive stress you're experiencing, but you should do them anyway so you can tell people about it.  That way, you'll sound interesting and spiritual.  If you actually want to reduce your stress, you should probably take easier classes or be involved in fewer clubs, but that is neither cool nor interesting.