​Six Easy and Kinda Pathetic Meals You Can Eat in Your Three Minutes Between Classes

Many students struggle to find time to eat nutritiously, burdened by academic, extracurricular, and social commitments. However, we collected feedback from some of the most accomplished and well-balanced students on campus and came up with a list of six quick and easy meals for those of you with busy schedules.

1. Roasted crippling sadness and self-doubt - Ah, yes, everyone’s favorite feeling, now in corporeal (and edible) form. Served rare to medium-rare, this dish is great if you’re sitting in your lecture hall before class starts, silently freaking out about what you’re going to do with the rest of your life.

2. Four cups of black coffee - Bonus points if it's leftover from the day before yesterday because you didn’t have the time or energy to make new coffee this morning.

3. (Barely thawed) Frozen chicken nuggets - Forget even warming them up. These suckers are best enjoyed when they’ve thawed in your backpack for a couple hours but are still hard in the middle. The best part about these suckers is that you can keep them in your pockets and sneak a few mouthfuls when the professor isn’t looking.

4. One (1) cigarette - Ingredients: 1 (one) cigarette.

5. A cheese sandwich made from stale bread and your roommate’s old cheese - This one’s if you’re feeling particularly good about yourself on any given day. If you can find the time and energy to put a piece of cheese between two (probably moldy) slices of bread, I applaud you.

6. A nap - What better way to save money than to take a nap? It’s quick, economical, and nobody will notice you if you sit in the very back of your Intro to Psychology lecture. Plants photosynthesize, and this is basically like the same thing, right?