'I Don't Care Too Much About the Eagles,' Claims Junior Prepping Molotov Cocktails

It's only a few days until the Super Bowl, and the energy in Philadelphia is undeniably electric. For some temporary residents, the passion expressed by Eagles fans might border on psychotic. But Philadelphia natives are desperate to see their team win a Super Bowl after 58 years of celebrating a trophy from a now-defunct league, so it’s only natural to get a little excited. Brian Phillips (C ‘19) is one of those Eagles fans.

“I grew up on the Main Line and I’ve been rooting for the Eagles all my life, but I wouldn’t say I’m a fanatic or anything,” Phillips told UTB during an interview in his apartment. While speaking with us, he took periodic breaks to stick more pins into a Tom Brady voodoo doll he had purchased online and to recite short prayers at an altar he had constructed for Nick Foles. Phillips, who hasn’t been seen wearing anything besides a Malcolm Jenkins jersey since last Monday, insists that his love for the Eagles is totally normal and that the green body paint he’d bought for the game was a totally sane purchase for any reasonable fan.

“Just because I bought the Anarchist Cookbook as some light reading material doesn’t mean I’m going to overreact if the Eagles don’t win. Obviously, the Super Bowl’s just a game that doesn’t have any impact on my life,” Phillips insisted, while deciding which Wawas he would loot, just in case.

When asked if he would be able to make it to class on Monday if the Eagles lost, Phillips told UTB that “there won’t be a Monday if the Eagles lose.”