Freshman Dropped During Rush Calls Cops on Every Frat Party

Tommy Whitman (W ‘21) was always a people person. He had the amazing ability to remember people's names after only a single interaction. While it made girls he was pursuing uncomfortable at frat parties, he was never stumped by “Who do you know” because Whitman knew everyone. Naturally, he decided to rush, and expand his ever-growing network of the classic, “How does he know my name? I only met him once,” acquaintances.

Whitman eagerly attended every rush event, putting on his best impression and making an effort to stand out. He would shout out random, incoherent phrases to make sure he was still being heard and recognized. He made references to pop culture frequently, presenting heartfelt renditions of rapper Lil Pump’s “Gucci Gang” (2017) and performing popular dance moves such as the “dab” and the “Dougie," in an attempt to show his silly and outgoing side. He even massaged the fraternity dog, and developed a strong emotional attachment to him. Everything was lining up for his inevitable bid and acceptance into a fraternity.

But, somehow, the bid never came. Whitman was dropped from every single frat, most of them after the first event he attended. He couldn’t understand why, and he was devastated. Whitman was so upset that he wanted revenge: so he called the police and notified them of an event that night involving underage drinking.

The thrill of seeing the flashing red and blue lights and hundreds of people pour out of the frat house was something Whitman wanted to chase. He quickly began compiling a spreadsheet of more parties to crash.

Today, Whitman’s spreadsheet is updated every three hours, and he’s constantly on the search for more parties to report. So the next time your party gets inevitably busted, you know who to thank.