Fuck Global Warming, but 70 Degree Weather Makes Me Forget My Existential Dread

Can be honest with you for a second?

It’s been 4 days since I’ve left my room to see the light of day. All I’ve done this week so far is masturbate and ghost my therapist. But it’s fine, because guess the fuck what? It’s 70 degrees out, baby!

Don’t get me wrong, I really care about the environment and everything. And the fact that it’s literally summer weather in the middle of February is very, very concerning.

But holy shit, stepping outside and forgetting about all of my existential dread that haunts me wherever I go? I’ll take that whenever I can get it. The polar bears can hold off for 24 hours. Amy G, if you’re reading this, you still gotta divest from fossil fuels though. Making me not worry about my future for 30 seconds to enjoy this beautiful sunshine is not a valid excuse for fucking up the environment, honey.

Just how bad is my existential crisis? I switched classes 11 times this semester. I even dropped one of them three times because the homework was too hard. (I’m still in it, but now my friend gives me all the answers. Thanks, buddy!)

I also do my homework exclusively in the VP basement at 4 a.m. I live for the thrill of the Mark’s Cafe coffee shits. I just hope it’s 70 degrees again during midterms week so I can lock myself into the depressing library while everyone’s outside having fun.