Impressive: This Math Professor Hasn't Blinked Since 1982

In a quiet, throaty aside muttered under his breath during a review session for an upcoming midterm exam, MATH 475 professor Dr. Howard Merchant revealed to his class that he has not blinked his eyes in 36 years.

Witnesses say the 68-year-old professor was writing a long and complicated expression on the blackboard when he announced in his usual despairing monotone voice, "now, this maneuver is quick—blink and you'll miss it." He then reportedly paused for a brief moment, turning his stoic face to the side, and murmured menacingly, "that's why I haven't blinked since 1982."

What could have been interpreted as a joke was instead unanimously understood as a confirmation of existing suspicions among Dr. Merchant's students. Several sources reported that the professor's intense, unyielding stare had become a common topic of conversation at informal study sessions from early on in the semester. 

"We all just looked at each other," said one student, who was sitting in the front row at the time of the professor's scandalous disclosure. "We were stunned. But when he turned back to face the class, he just gazed into the distance, saying nothing. Everything was back to normal." 

When asked to comment on the allegations, Dr. Merchant glared, unblinking, directly into the soul of the reporter, and walked away.