Junior With Limitless Spring Break Choices Eager to Eat Ice Cream in Underwear for a Week

With spring break right around the corner, Penn students are spending more time than ever absentmindedly scrolling through pages of flight options and daydreaming about sunny Caribbean beaches. Between long distance train travel, cheap bus services and spontaneous road trips, America’s transportation infrastructure offers a veritable cornucopia of convenient ways to get out of Philadelphia. Nevertheless, one zealous junior is looking to break from tradition and do spring break his own way.

“I’m lucky enough to be able to afford to go just about anywhere I want, but I’d just prefer to spend the money I would’ve used for airfare on crates of delicious dairy products and expensive new pairs of boxer briefs. It’s sort of become my thing,” Corbin Stevens (C ‘19) told UTB while browsing Amazon Pantry for new Ben & Jerry’s flavors, his hands softly quivering over his Mac's trackpad. 

During the interview, we noticed that, for some reason, all of his Chrome bookmarks were just links to different frozen dessert vendors, and, when questioned on this, Stevens stared at us blankly, saying that he was “completely unaware that most people don’t spend three hours a day researching how to churn their own ice cream.”

Stevens, who turned down several opportunities to go on exotic vacations with close friends, insisted on showing UTB his 30+ piece collection of MeUndies, stating that the only thing that had changed his life more than 100% cotton underwear was eating ice cream for the first time. Meanwhile, with a glint in his eye that seemed one-part madness and one-part pasteurized cream, Stevens told UTB that this spring break "is going to be one for the history books."