Mediocre Student Somehow Wasting 300 Years of Accumulated Privilege

If you met Archibald Wesley IV (W ‘20) on Locust, you might think of him as an earnest, if uptight, young man.

Talk to him a bit more, and you’ll see the facade begin to crack.

For five generations, the Wesley family has sent its children to the nation’s wealthiest preparatory schools, and in the process have successfully filled Penn’s ranks and coffers. Throughout his young life, Archibald was blessed with a stable, loving family; the best education money could buy, and freedom from financial angst.

Which really makes you wonder... How the hell did he screw things up so badly?

Seriously. The guy has literally every head start in life you could think of, and he’s still getting clobbered in class by students who had to raise their siblings by themselves.

We pointedly asked Wesley how he’d manage to waste his unthinkably fortunate circumstances so effectively.

“Well, I don’t know” muttered the human equivalent of a crumpled up winning lottery ticket. “I start studying for tests weeks in advance [supported by an army of private tutors who, given my circumstances, would probably have won the Nobel prize by now] but no matter what I do, stuff doesn’t seem to go my way.”

Thankfully, Archibald probably won’t have to work a day in his life.

But his children sure will.